Earlier today I posted “surrounded”. I actually wrote that a couple of weeks ago. Tonight I have just come home from another re-admittance to the hospital for my youngest. He is reacting to an increase in medications 10 days ago complicated by blood sugar issues. I’m sure you can imagine my heartbreak after close to three weeks without incident and then having to call the doctor tonight to hear the words “he has to be re-admitted”. My heart sank as we entered the hospital again, I knew all the papers that had to be filled out & signed. I knew the floor he would be on. When the elevator doors opened, I was choking back the tears-I didn’t want to go through this all over again.
We were becoming frequent visitors. Mr. Brandon saw us in the waiting room-my youngster’s face lit up “Hi Mr.Brandon”. Mr. Brandon was a huge help these last few visits. The nurses all remembered us. I felt the sincere compassion from them. We were able to tuck Fuzzy into bed with big bear hugs & kisses. I actually felt a peace and calm. Here we are again. As the nurse was walking us out I asked her if they get a lot of frequent flyer parents. She turned to us and said “It is very obvious how invested you are in him. We see a lot of parents who either never come to visit or aren’t even involved anymore.”
Those words pierced me. I can never imagine leaving one of my children like that. As I sit hear and type, I’m amazed at my calmness. Maybe it could be the fact that I had hit my breaking point this week. I actually went out with some friends and stayed overnight at their house. It was just what I had needed. I was treated to a night to just let it all out-I still cringe to think I may have said more than need be that night. The next morning I was treated to a wonderful delish breakfast before returning back home.
Once home, I still felt like I could suffocate with everything going on. I finally asked Larry to take the kids out for the day and leave me at home so I could think. I ended up on my hands & knees scrubbing floors. Somehow the work helped me to unwind. I folded laundry. I sat in peace and quiet and felt my nerves finally begin to relax.
My simple treasures-sweet friends& a night away, scrubbing floors was therapeutic, time to refresh. All of this just so I could be ready for tonight. The comfort of seeing Mr.Brandon. The ability to access care quickly because of what I’d already been through. The artwork on the wall. Somehow it was known that I needed refreshing to be able to face tonight.